Earlier this week, I posted my weekly “Painting of the Week” segment onto facebook and instagram. In this series, I usually talk about an artwork I’ve created and the context around the artwork. I share parts of my artistic process, the thoughts I was having at the time, and anything else that I think would help add to understanding the work more. This week I talked about my painting ‘Seoul Aglow’, and mentioned that I would talk about the full story on the blog.
The reason why I wanted to expand this story on the blog is more so that I feel an instagram caption can only tell my audience so much. People are scrolling through their feed on their break, or in the line at the grocery store, mostly during the “in-betweens” in life. It’s hard to fit something so personal about myself in those “in-betweens”, while also going deep enough to feel like the post has some substance to it. I wanted to expand more here where I really have the space and time to do that. So if you’re here from social media: hi! I’m glad you made it! Let’s dig in.
Seoul Aglow is an acrylic painting on canvas that I created in the Spring of 2022. I was feeling particularly inspired by a rapper & singer named RM, who is also a member of the South Korean Pop boy band BTS. RM created an album called mono. and in this album there’s a song called Seoul. I resonated with this song so hard. I don’t understand all the lyrics myself (though I know more than I thought I would!), but I have some lyrics translated below:
In the cold morning air, I open my eyes without anyone’s knowing
The harmony of this city it’s so familiar to me
Though my childhood days are far away and it’s filled with buildings and cars only
Now this is my home, Seoul, Seoul
Why would it be that your pronunciation is similar to soul? What kind of soul is it that you possess?
The song continues to take up themes of loneliness, nostalgia, but also plays with the English word “soul” and the city name “Seoul”. RM talks a lot about his complicated relationship with the city, and how even though he loves it and feels close to it, he also hates so many parts of it. And with soul/Seoul playing off of each other, there’s this feeling that he’s inseparable from the city. When he hates it, he’s hating a part of himself, and vice versa for love. I felt very similar when I lived in Seoul, and it’s what inspired my piece Seoul Aglow.
I had moved to Seoul because Patrick and I had been re-located with the military. I thought that Seoul would be everything I’ve ever dreamed of, and with being in such a big city, I thought I would love being there all of the time. I found the exact opposite to be true. Though there are a lot of really beautiful things about Seoul, the city can be really tough and cruel to people. People have places to be, and the hustle and bustle of it all can be really overwhelming.
On the positive side, I loved visiting the city with my friends and family. I loved the countryside around Seoul as well. Like any big city, it can be really fantastical with so many things to do and see, or it can sweep you up.
It was during this time that I realized I didn’t like being swept up all the time. I really enjoy my peace and calm, and though I like some activity, I don’t like the chaos 24/7. RM’s lyrics made me feel seen for the complicated relationship I had with the city, especially these lines:
No, no, I’m afraid of myself because I have already become a part of you
If love and hate are the same words, I love you, Seoul
If love and hate are the same words, I hate you, Seoul
After I watched RM’s lyric video for Seoul, I became really inspired to make work from it. The whole music video has this really cool atmospheric aesthetic to it, where the camera has the perspective of someone traveling through the city. Buildings fade in and out, and the sky at the end of the video is this beautiful pink color. I chose that to be my color palette for the piece. I also originally named the piece if love and hate, because I like to incorporate lyrics into my painting titles. I ended up changing it later to Seoul Aglow to better connect my audiences with the city and it’s landmarks.
After living in Seoul, I had decided to try studying for the LSAT again to see if law school was the right move for me, like I had originally planned. It was during this point I realized that I was never going to go to law school–I was fully rooted in my identity as an artist. Because of this realization and understanding myself more, and what I need versus what I thought I needed, I made some artistic choices in Seoul Aglow to reflect this. When painting, I had opted to include some landmarks within the impressionist cityscape. In the distance I had a smaller image of Namsan tower, and in the foreground I had the Lotte World tower. I chose these landmarks because Namsan is arguably the most popular landmark amongst tourists, but Lotte World Tower is fantastic too.
When I decided to make this the “Painting of the Week”, one can understand that the story is deeper than it seems. On the surface, I mostly just talk about how RM's lyrics and video influenced my work. But I like to think that the painting is a bigger meditation on who I was at the time, who I thought I wanted to be, and who I actually accepted myself as.
Yours truly,
Makara