For good reason, we have all heard of the age old trope of a struggling artist. The one that stays up at night, completing paintings, wrestling with their own emotions or the need to get something perfectly right. There is another kind of struggle an artist faces though, and thats the endurance one has to possess in order to keep going in the face of adversity.
Throughout my career, I am often facing that same adversity. Whether rejections from shows, unfulfilled applications, running out of time, or chasing paths that reveal themselves as empty handed–as an artist, and as a business person, adversity is around many corners. This week, I’d like to talk about not only the courage to try, but also the fatigue that comes with trying over and over again.
Courage To Try is a methodology I adopt in my practice and in my classroom, with my students. I’m a firm believer that one must allow themselves the right to try, even against all odds. This requires a kind of tenacity, almost a disillusion, that whether efforts are made in vain or not are irrelevant. Ultimately, I’ll learn something either way even if I try and don’t “succeed”. Really, there is no firm definition of “succeeding”--Only another thing I learn. But what happens when I get tired from that, anyway?
There’s many ways to tackle this problem of fatigue. One is to keep going, and let myself burn out. I could throw myself at opportunity after opportunity, and hope that something sticks. I could push down my feelings, and move forward despite the punches from rejection. But I don't think that's really endurance. At least, it isn't the kind of endurance I want to practice.
There is a difference between continuing and refusing to rest. When I think about what it means to keep going as an artist, I don't think it has to mean that I am constantly moving forward. Sometimes, keeping going means allowing myself to stop for a moment. It means acknowledging that I'm disappointed when something doesn't work out, rather than immediately searching for the next opportunity to replace it. It means recognizing when I've spent too much time chasing something that isn't giving anything back to me. Most importantly, it means remembering that being tired doesn't mean I've lost the courage to try.
There is so much invisible work that comes with being an artist, and the work doesn't end when I put down the paintbrush. There are countless little things that come with trying to make a living from the thing I love. Each one asks me, in a small way, to put myself and my work forward with no guarantee that anything will come from it. That uncertainty can also be exhausting.
Every time I apply for something, I have to believe—at least a little bit—that it might work out. I have to imagine myself getting into the show or hearing back from the person on the other end of the email. When it doesn't happen, I have to let go of that little future I imagined. Then, eventually, I have to be willing to imagine another one. That is also where the courage actually lives.
The courage isn't in knowing that eventually I'll get a "yes." I don't know that. None of us do. The courage is in deciding that the possibility of a "no" isn't enough to keep me from trying. It's being willing to go another round, even after the last one didn't go the way I hoped. But going the distance also requires knowing when to sit one out.
I'm learning that rest and tenacity aren't opposites. Taking time to return to my studio simply because I want to paint, rather than because I need something for an application, is part of continuing. Spending time with my family, going outside, traveling, or simply doing something that has nothing to do with advancing my career doesn't take me away from being an artist. Those moments give me something to return with.
And when I return, I can try again. Maybe Courage To Try isn't about endlessly throwing myself against every closed door until one finally opens. Maybe it's about maintaining enough curiosity to keep looking for doors in the first place. It's knowing that some will open, some won't, and some will lead somewhere completely different than I expected.
There will always be another application, opportunity, or rejection. Another painting that doesn't work. Another idea that does. I don't have to win every round to keep going the distance. I just have to give myself the courage to try again.